That was, probably, the best day of my life. You have no idea how incredibly happy you make me, do you?
I’m really good at giving everyone else advice when it comes to matters of the heart, you know that? But when it comes to you everything gets confusing. The worst part about me is that I can’t take my own advice.
Recently, we’ve gotten ourselves into quite a mess, haven’t we? I am really torn. One part of me wants to be selfless. One part of me wants to push you. He wants you to be happy, even if I’m not. One part of me really wants you to pursue this new opportunity and see where it goes.
But the other part of me? The other part of me is selfish. The other part of me doesn’t want you to look at anyone else the way you look at me. The other part of me wants to make sure that your lips never touch another pair that don’t belong to me. This side doesn’t want you to ever link your fingers around someone else’s palm — because they already fit so perfectly in mine.
I’m really bad at words and tonight is no different. I’m jealous, okay? I love you.
You know, you’re the only guy I can lay next to and be blissfully happy. I’m not counting down the seconds until we’re barely exchanging breathless words with our bodies meshed against each other. Instead, I’m hoping that these seconds turn into minutes, and minutes into hours. Instead, I’m hoping that you won’t ever leave. I’m hoping that you’ll stay next to me forever.
You’re really rough around the edges, but you have a smile that lights up an entire room.
It’s like.. she just single-handedly annihilated every bitch in Game of Thrones.. like… She’s Daenerys Targaryen. Daenerys the Dragon. Daenerys Strongborn. Daenerys the Iron Throne of Westeros. Like.. I don’t even know why these girls even bother at this point.. like… shut up… it’s her…. She wins.. you lose. HAHAHAHAHA. OH SHIT. HAHAHAHAHAHA. YO. SHE A BAD BITCH. SHE A SHE A BAD BITCH.
Over the past couple of days I have managed to watch: Sword of the Stranger, Eden of the East, Psycho-Pass, and Steins;Gate. Man, I am on a roll. =D
Tell them. Tell them now. Tell them you love them right this very moment. Not tomorrow, not next week, not when “the moment is perfect.” Tell them now. I won’t be the first to tell you this, in fact, you will probably hear it a million more times, but life is too short. Life is too short not to say exactly what you are feeling. Life is too short to let any moment slip through your fingers. Ever since I was young, I’ve been the outspoken one. The one who says exactly what is on his mind without any sugary topping or biting of the tongue. I’ve been the one who will put his feelings on display — even when he knows they might return a little more damaged than before. I’ve always been so scared of wasting time, of losing time. Something that is constantly fleeting with no pause button, no slow motion, and no redos. I don’t want to risk losing another person. Better yet, I don’t want to think “what if” ever again. Even if you get hurt, it’s better than not ever knowing what would ever happen. Every day is a second chance.
Even though I’ll probably lose my motivation half-way through writing this post, I wanted to try something a little different tonight.
If things were perfect.
I’d get to take you to that lake I told you about not too long ago, remember? The one that’s so beautiful and tranquil at night. The way you can see the moon’s reflection in the water. I know how much you enjoy some good scenery. I’ve wanted to bring you here for two years. Ever since I met you. Just you and I. The water. The wind. Silence that is never awkward. We’d probably laugh and make fun of each other the entire way there, and that wouldn’t heed upon our arrival. We’d walk around for a little until things got cold and I’d probably joke about us holding hands, like I always do. You, being you, would think I wasn’t serious and we would continue to laugh it off. Eventually, I’d somehow find the courage to tell you that I liked you. I’d tell you how beautiful you were and how I wished only you could see what I see, too. How your creativity inspires me and your smile gives me the motivation and keeps me thinking “this is all worth it.” I’d say a lot of things I’d only dreamt about uttering. Words I never fathomed would ever leave my lips. It would be silent again. Oh, that lovely silence I love ever so much between us. Except, this time, it will be shrouded in a hint of awkwardness. I’d probably be biting my lip, eyeing off in the distance as I braced myself for the harsh words I knew my ears would welcome soon. “I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way” I could already see the letters forming in my head, as if it were a karaoke screen. Except, next, I would quickly inhale a breath to confirm I was still breathing. I’d check my pulse to make sure that it was not quickening unhealthily. I’d be begging my frozen legs to continue moving. Fighting every urge I had in my being not to meet your lips as I had contemplated doing so tenderly.
“I like you, too.” You’d say.